I'll Pass

The other evening I was out for dinner. The people at the next table, parents with their college age daughter, were talking on a cell phone to an obvious family member or close friend. I was minding my own business when it happened, I overheard a phrase I dread. The mom proclaimed "Want me to pass the phone around?", is there anything more awkward than the phone pass?

The phone pass is the worst. Whenever I sense the potential for a phone pass I leave the room. I switch to high alert in the midst of a phone pass, darting from room to room, if the phone enters, I quickly exit. It's the only salvation, once those words are uttered its all over, over for the caller and over for anyone within arms length of the phone. The caller can't turn it down, if they do its taken as some personal slight and the 'fine didn't want to talk to you either' blast comes flying out of someones mouth. And its not just the caller, I don't think any of the people in the room really want to talk either, but the trap is already set.

And so it begins. The phone goes round and round and the caller is forced to answer the same mindless questions over and over. 'How's the weather?' 'What time is it where you are?' No one can utter anything remotely interesting because they are too busy frantically searching for the next person to lob the cordless towards.

All this because the original recipient ran out of things to say. Instead of ending things humanely they chose to take the easy way out, 'I'm going to pass you over to Bob now'. Truthfully the only thing worse then the phone pass itself is being the last person, that sucker is really screwed. At least everyone else can say a few words and shove the phone in someone else's face. That last person really has his work cut out for him, I'll leave the house, be running down the street before I end up in that situation.

I'll take a pass on the phone pass.