Wussconsinites

As Midwesterners we have a high opinion of ourselves when it comes to the weather. Whenever we travel outside the state or welcome a visitor to ours we are the first ones to pat ourselves on the back for our ability to handle harsh conditions. Talk about a contradiction.

When the skies aren't threatening us with wintry mixes and arctic blasts we are busy boasting about how tough we are because we hale from almighty Wisconsin, home of the frozen tundra and negative wind chills. "You think this is cold? This is nothing, we're from Wisconsin!" It’s as if this line is uttered only in hopes of seeing an awe struck reaction. Like we are some sort of super human, weather resistant gods. We don't need no stinkin' parkas! Inexperienced winter drivers get an ear full of accolades from us if they complain about navigating in the snow. We quickly point out that we drive in conditions worse then these everyday. In fact, we brag that we can drive backwards in the snow faster then anyone else can forward. We are so smug, so experienced, so invincible to the conditions...until it actually is forecasted to show up in our backyard, then remarkably all the bravado stops.

The storm front moves in and all our moxy and good sense moves out. Suddenly we are cowering in the corner, afraid of the storm. Cancelled activities scroll across the bottom of the screen before the first flake even falls. The grocery stores are flooded with frantic shoppers stocking up on provisions, the media predicts the end of days and we can no longer go out to eat or complete daily errands. It is out of the question to be expected to go to school or work. What happened to these proud, borderline arrogant, Wisconsinites? All of a sudden the weather, our self proclaimed calling card, has reduced us to paranoid and scared desert dwellers who have lived their entire lives without ever seeing snow.



Remember when snow was fun?

The roads we once boasted about conquering are now evil death traps not to be tempted. As if our cars are on slippery bobsled runs, hurling out of control into some unknown abyss. No way can we chance going outside. The conditions we claim we are so prepared to face all of a sudden become unmanageable and treacherous. Meteorologists warn 'If you don't have to go out, stay home'. The masses listen and the small business owners cringe. I thought we were supposed to be above all this hype and certain doom? It's a snow storm not Armageddon, people are restocking their ice melt and shovels not buying radio active suits and space food...well at least not yet.

You can't brag about living and thriving in bad weather conditions but then hide in your house when it's time to go outside and brave those conditions. It reminds me of the Seinfield episode when Newman wouldn't deliver the mail because it was raining, George questions him, "What about the mailman's creed?! Whether rain nor sleet nor snow.... it's the FIRST ONE!!!" By the looks of things "I'm from Wisconsin!" isn't much of a creed anymore either.